Ignorance is generally seen as a weapon for getting what we want quietly. Neither arguments over to it nor any conflict. But ignorance and silence are ok until the issue isn't big. When ignorance enters into serious relationships, it becomes hard to handle. To know what's in the mind of another person becomes tough to recognize. When ignorance is for making things work, it is perfectly alright, but only if it does not turn into emotional abuse.
Ignorance is a common thing that we all have faced once in our life. We are being ignored by someone who we love. And that's when it hurts the most. Because if any stranger ignores you on the train, will you get offended by it? Of course not, because that person doesn't even matter to you.
The person who has a special place in our heart, which makes a difference in our lives, is the one whose ignorance drives us restless. We all know that the feeling of ignorance is worse than the sorrow of rejection. When we are ignored by the most loved person, even the room full of people seems like an isolation ward.
Why does someone ignore you?
There may be different reasons behind their unforeseen silence and ignorance. Let's have a look at it.
1. Guilt-
When someone has done something wrong to you, most probably they will not look into your eyes. They will try to ignore you or hide their appearance from you.
2. For the sake of fake attitude-
It is generally seen that people pretend that, how they are superior and better than you, this is the silliest thing someone will ever do. They may be tired of you or your behavior. Sometimes people ignore you to make a change in your behavior and to make you realize your mistakes.
3. Lost all feelings for you-
This is one of the reasons for ignoring someone. When people have lost feelings for you, or they may not have the same feelings and affection for you in their heart anymore.
4. They're maybe pretending that you have been replaced by someone-
This is one more hurtful thing you will ever experience. When your existence is not considered, or it may be replaced easily by anyone else.
5. Horn effect-
There is a term in human resource management that, whenever someone reacts or judges you on your one negative execution, it is called as horn effect. This can also be the reason behind ignorance.
Why is it bad to ignore your partner?
We cannot generalize that ignorance is always bad. It may be used by one partner as a consequence of the actions of another. There are differences in relationships, so each one has its own rules or ethics on which that relationship is retained.
It can be strongly termed as bad when ignorance becomes emotional abuse. When a partner cannot bear the ignorance, another partner should use the therapies that work on him/her. When one of them assumes that conversations are the only medium to solve the problem, then that ignorance won't work there. Rather it may badly destruct the relationship and understanding level in them.
“It would be too easy to say that I feel invisible. Instead, I feel painfully visible, and entirely ignored.” ― David Levithan, Every Day
Favorable ignorance-
Ignoring someone is not convenient in all relationships. And we should not always think from an emotional perspective, as the world is not just based on emotions. There are many practical things on which we are supposed to work.
For example- Suppose you are a freelance working professional, and you barely get time for any other thing; you have your deadlines to meet. You need to work more than conventional working hours to follow them precisely. And your girlfriend or boyfriend is complaining to you about not spending enough time with them.
Surely, we should spend time with them, but here if a complaint becomes excessive, then ignorance from your partner should be considered normal. Because every time we cannot see things emotionally, we have to be feasible about things wherever needed.
Inversely, if you are ignoring someone to pretend to be busy or for the sake of attention, then it is not agreeable at all. Another example we can take is, most of the time, it happens that when a relationship is very cozy, or when couples have come a long way together, they may need a break from it.
But for that, ignoring your partner is not favorable; what you can do is if you need a space, you can speak about it to your partner. And I am sure if your relationship has a strong base of trust and understanding, your partner will not deny it.
After all, comforting your partner, making them feel good, and also letting them enjoy their freedom is all about love.
“I think I owe you the time you wasted in ignoring me.” —Nitya Prakash
Let's see what we can do if someone is ignoring us.
For that, I have distinguished dos and don'ts in two stages that you can go with.
First stage- What you can do with themselves-
Don'ts-
1. Do not jump to argue directly-
Whenever you want answers, it is obvious that you will be angry at that person. But this is what you are not supposed to do. It will make the situation worst.
2. Do not forget your limits while talking-
This is one more thing to remember that do not go beyond the boundaries of relation that you are in. We all know that when there is anger in our minds, we want to pour it out. But even while expressing your anger, do not forget that your one word can leave scars forever.
3. Don't let your ego stop you-
Admit it; if your ego is more important to you than any relation, then you cannot retain any single relation in your life. "Why me always?" is the most asked question in a relationship. But for whom the person is more important, they would hardly let ego enter in their relationship.
“I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel all alone.” —Robin Williams
Do's-
Gentle approach-
The person who is ignoring you, approach them leniently and try to talk to them peacefully. A gentle move with polite words will work effectively than useless arguments.
Ask your partner what's the reason behind their ignorance. Ask them to share what's going on in their mind.
Try to understand their point, do not overreact.
Speak about your side too. How you survived that ignorance. How it was hurting you every single time, they ignored you.
If you think a problem can be solved, or if you both want to work it out, then give them possible suggestions.
“I just want to make a point that it’s not just great teachers that sometimes shape your life. Sometimes it’s the absence of great teachers that shapes your life and being ignored can be just as good for a person as being lauded.” —Julia Roberts
What to do with yourself?
Ask yourself, did you do something wrong?
What we do is we keep assuming ourselves right always. And that's the problem we never can get over from such issues.
If it's your fault or not, try to ameliorate the situation. They may be waiting for you to initiate the conversation. Try to find out ways to end the silence between you both.
Talk to someone who understands you and can advise you. So that you will be getting more clarity about what to do. Even after taking suggestions, think from your side too and do what is favorable for your relation.
Self-respect > ego- Ask yourself first, is your ego stopping you from talking to your partner. But if you have tried several times and still your partner is not responding, then you should stop for your self-respect.
2nd stage
Once you try everything from your side and still if you don't get desired response, then it is time to leave that relation. And think for yourself.
What to do with themselves
1. The first thing you must do is accept the fact and try to get comfortable with the situation. Until you accept the truth, you won't be able to get over to it.
2. Forgive them in your heart- Once a person has left your life, do not keep hatred in your mind. Forgive them with a generous heart.
3. Keep the things away that reminds you of them.
What to do with yourself
1. Do not let that one trauma grasp your mind. Most of the time, it happens that when we keep one thought in mind, it roams all around and reminds us that we are sad. Take this thing as a phase of life and try to accept it every time you get thought about it.
2. Do something engaging- Try to do something that will keep your mind busy. Get yourself a hobby or if you have any, then practice it whenever you feel down or lost.
3. One more thing to remember is never feeling unworthy. Because whenever we are being ignored, self-doubt is instilled indirectly in our thoughts. It keeps reminding us that we did something wrong or, maybe, we cannot sustain a relationship. It may even make us feel that we don't deserve any satisfactory relationship.
How do I stop shutting down emotionally?
It is a common thing to experience. Directly or indirectly, we all do that. When we feel to disconnect ourselves from all the relations. Shutting down emotionally simply means when we feel unusual detachment or numbness inside us.
It is acceptable sometimes when we stay away from any relation for a while, we are not concerned about the things happening in that relation. There may be plenty of reasons behind that feeling. Someone may be tired of over possessiveness, another one may be tensed because of ignorance, or someone may have felt unexpected changes in their relationship.
How can you stop it?
1. Accept that you are disconnected from relation. You are not feeling anything. To get out of it first, we need to accept it because until we don't, we will keep roaming around the single thought.
2. Once you realize that you are numb, ask yourself why? What was it? Why did you feel such? Try to get an answer to these questions and just write it down, whatever you feel.
3. Then recognize what the moment that triggered all these emotions were and where did they drag you.
4. Once getting the answer for it, ask yourself, do that emotion has some practical base or not.
5. If yes, then decide how much the thought or that person matters to you. And if not, distract yourself from that thought as soon as possible.
What not to do when you are numb.
1. Do not judge your feelings. Remember that feeling numb or getting unusual thoughts is normal.
2. Do not be afraid of such feelings. Most of the time, it happens because of overthinking. Take it easy.
3. Do not link unrelated thoughts with that one major thought. For example- if someone is ignoring you, giving you the silent treatment, then you start thinking like you don't deserve that relation. No, never do mind mapping in wrong things.
4. Do not jump to conclusions- Until you get your thought analyzed properly, don't jump to conclude and generalize things based on incomplete emotions.
Is ignoring somebody manipulative?
Let's first see what the signs that indicate are, ignorance is turning into manipulation.
1. Disapproval to communicate- Even after initiating the conversation, if your partner is not ready to communicate, it simply means they don't want to. Instead of doing it, they should tell you that they don't want to continue the relationship.
2. They want to gain sympathy- It is one more sign of emotional manipulation. Even being culprits, they try to gain your sympathy by instilling self-doubt in you.
3. Blaming you despite being wrong-They are blaming you for a mistake they have made or making you feel like it all happened because of you.
4. Aggressive replies- Whenever your partner talks or reply to you aggressively multiple times, then it is a sign that ignorance has been leveled up.
5. A storm in a teacup- When your partner pretends a small thing as a big issue and makes you feel guilty about it, it is manipulation.
6. They keep reminding you of your flaws frequently from their actions.
7. When you are isolated or feel left out innumerable times, even when you are with your partner.
These are the sure signs of ignorance. They are turning into emotional manipulation.
Now let's see why ignorance is manipulative?
1. Massive ignorance can destroy the relationship badly. It can demolish the ways of communicating further.
2. Emotional abuse pushes the victim towards anxiety and stress. If they didn't bear it, it would be harmful to their health.
3. When ignorance turns into manipulation, the victim starts shutting down emotionally; they may hardly believe in someone after such astound experience.
4. Feeling of ignorance and being left out often threatens them. They may not fall for someone again in the same way.
5. Sometimes this mental pain can turn into physical pain too. Because when we are afraid of any feeling, our brain keeps us reminded of that, which can drive us towards depression.
Why is it so painful to be ignored?
When we are ignored by someone, and the person is the most beloved, then it is hurtful. And this is one of the worst things we ever face in our lives. But why is it so painful? Let's have a glance at it.
1. They show our unimportance in their lives- They clearly show us that we are not that much important in their life. There can be many reasons behind it too.
2. Our existence doesn't matter- We feel like our existence or in-existence doesn't make a difference. It may drive us towards feeling that everything we had in between us is lost now.
3. We cannot accept the fact- Sometimes, we become habitual with love, affection, attention that someone gives us. So, all of a sudden, if such things happen, our heart denies believing in it.
4. It makes us feel unworthy and left out. Whenever we are being ignored, we feel isolated even when we are among people. Because that pain goes deep into the heart. It makes us doubt our efforts.
5. Mentally, we lose that person- When we experience ignorance, we can see the invisible distances in a relationship. It mentally drags us away from that person, and that feeling doesn't let us believe in fact.
6. Hard to digest- When we are intimately linked with anyone, ignorance is completely a different and unexpected feeling. It becomes hard to accept and harder to get over to it.
Final thoughts:
Ignorance is a feeling that is more aggressive and distressing than rejection and hatred. It becomes really difficult to accept that and move on. But ignorance itself shows us our worth. Never take it in the wrong way, do not let self-doubt be instilled in your mind. Surely, we should retrospect whether we were wrong or not. But that self-doubt should not become an ultimate feeling. Take that ignorance as a lesson, try to work on it, and still, if relations don't continue, Move on.