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Hey, I am here again with one more commonly a discussed topic! Before that, as always, let us first go through an incident.
There was a girl who used to keep a pot of water in the verandah of her house, and people used to come and drink water from it. Also, they gave lots of good wishes to her. But something was wrong with that girl. I do not know what and why. I saw the same girl crying in a park. I wondered, why?
I asked her, to which she replied, "why does everyone hate me?" "I hate everything about myself." And much more. I consoled her and encouraged her to be happy and positive.
On the same day, I saw another girl outside the park, who probably was not doing anything special. She might be a student of a college, I guess. Perhaps nothing was special about her, but she was so happy as if she has had done a lot for mankind.
She was full of joy!
Well, what is the difference between both these girls?
Confidence? Or Sight to see this world? Or Good deeds?
Why was one having the feeling of "why do I feel like everyone hates me?" in spite of helping others? And why was another girl very delighted?
This is because both of them have totally different mindsets. One of the girls knows how to cope up with the situations, and another girl doesn't.
⭕ WHY DO I HATE MYSELF?
Why is it so difficult for some of us to remain happy? Why we always require some reason to stay cheerful?
1. Family expectations
This happens that parents keep lots of expectations and we being a good child start chasing them.
I am not saying that this is wrong. No! But following blindly is not probably right, I guess.
If you feel like you are not interested in a particular work that your family wishes you must pursue, please say no to it. Because if you don't, then you start forcing yourself for it. And if at all you fail, you will start hating yourself.
2. Our goals
The same applies here too! Stop expecting a lot from yourself. We are humans, and it is definitely time to lose. You may not win each time.
If we set our goal too high, then it might be quite difficult to achieve it. And if we fail to do so, we dump ourselves in the well of depression unknowingly.
3. Failure
If you fail in a particular exam or a game or something similar, then you may start feeling that you are not that important to the world. You may feel disheartened!
This may lead to a situation where you start having thoughts as "Do you hate me? I hate myself and I wanna die? Why do i hate everyone?"
4. Bad incident
Any bad incident in your life might have affected you immensely.
For example, if a boy got bullied in primary school, then he may also land up in depression. See, there is a little difference between sadness and depression.
If you are sad, then you may easily overcome, but if you are depressed, you require help. So, try to know the difference.
⭕ SIGNS THAT YOU HATE YOURSELF.
Reasons might be different, but how will you come to know that these are the signs that you hate yourself?
Common thoughts you may go through:
◆ I do not deserve it.
◆ I am not good enough.
◆ I must not be allowed to live anymore.
◆ What is wrong with me?
◆ Why am I so dumb?
◆ Why this happens to me only?
Let us discuss some signs which you may notice.
1. Self-loathing
This is the same as self-hatred.
Why do I feel worthless? I hate the way I look. I hate me too.
These are the thoughts you are full of.
2. Low self-esteem
You start feeling low. You feel as if everything bad in this world is having because of you. Even if it is not your mistake, you apologize. You feel bad for it. You become really harsh on yourself.
"To build self-esteem, you have to outface your negative beliefs about yourself and change them." ~Asmaa Dokmak
3. You suddenly start crying for a very simple reason or maybe for no reason.
This happens when you do not have really good people around you to share your feelings, or you are not capable of sharing with others. You may suddenly burst out.
⭕ HOW IT AFFECTS YOUR HEALTH?
Being sad and feeling about yourself affects your health in an extremely bad way. This may land up in many problems.
Insomnia may be seen in you if you are in a low mood—diminished interest in those activities which you used to enjoy previously.
Significant weight loss may be observed in some of them who are not happy. This is not so healthy.
Feeling of restlessness can be seen.
Low energy.
You may feel as if you are worthless.
You may even lose your concentration power if you are very sad and feeling depressed.
"Believing in negative thoughts is the single greatest obstruction to success." ~Charles F. Glassman
⭕ HOW TO OVERCOME IT?
This is of utmost importance in this world of competition. All of us want to win the race; we do not wish to enjoy every aspect of it.
"Winning doesn't always mean being first. Winning means you're doing better than you've done before." ~Bonnie Blair
1. Increase your coping capacity.
This you can do only if your mind is full of position thoughts. Be optimistic in your life.
2. Stop listening to others.
Always listen to your intuitions. Never take that path where you are not interested. Make your own decisions in life.
"You can't change your past. The only thing you can change is your perspective of your past!" ~Dr. Jeffrey L Gurian
3. Stop expecting a lot from your life.
Stop being a superhero or superwoman. It is absolutely fine if you fail or if you did not achieve your goals.
4. Forgive yourself.
Everyone tells us to forgive others, but no one asks us to forgive ourselves. This is actually very important. Don't be too harsh on yourself.
5. Always keep the next path ready.
Yes, you read it right! You must have this very clear in your mind that even if you fail in the exam or anywhere else, there will always be a path ready for you.
6. Stay delighted always.
No matter what you have and what you lose, always be happy that you are alive.
There might be many different reasons that you started feeling that you are not good enough to be loved and start hating yourself. But, believe me, many of them come from within. We ourselves create lots of boundaries or, say, destination points around us, and if at all we do not read it start hating our own existence.
This we do because someone told us that this is the good category list and the other one is bad. And we start fulfilling them the way society or people want. Stop it and focus on what you wish for. You will be the happiest person then so over!
"You're off to great places, today is your day. Your mountain is waiting, so get on your way." ~Dr. Seuss
It's heartwarming to hear the story of the girl who kept a pot of water for others and received their good wishes in return. Yet, it's equally disheartening to learn that she was struggling with feelings of self-hatred and loneliness. This stark contrast between her altruistic actions and her inner turmoil raises some important questions about happiness and self-worth.
Firstly, let's acknowledge that happiness is a complex and deeply personal experience. It's not just about external actions or circumstances; it's also about how we perceive ourselves and our place in the world. The girl who received appreciation for her kind gesture might have felt a temporary sense of fulfillment from helping others, but it seems that she lacked a deeper sense of self-acceptance and inner peace.
This brings us to the concept of self-love and self-compassion. It's not enough to rely solely on external validation or acts of kindness from others to feel genuinely happy. True happiness comes from within, from cultivating a positive relationship with ourselves and learning to embrace our strengths and weaknesses alike.
The girl in the park who radiated joy despite seemingly ordinary circumstances likely possessed a strong sense of self-worth and inner contentment. She might have found happiness in simple moments, in the beauty of nature, or in the company of loved ones. Her happiness wasn't dependent on external accolades or achievements; it stemmed from a deep-rooted sense of gratitude and appreciation for life itself.
It's important to recognize that feelings of self-hatred or low self-esteem can stem from various sources, including societal pressures, past traumas, or negative self-talk. Overcoming these inner struggles requires patience, self-reflection, and sometimes professional support.
One key aspect of overcoming self-hatred is challenging negative beliefs and replacing them with more empowering thoughts. Instead of focusing on perceived flaws or failures, we can practice self-compassion and remind ourselves of our inherent worthiness as human beings.
Moreover, it's crucial to cultivate a supportive environment and surround ourselves with people who uplift and encourage us. Building strong connections with others can provide a sense of belonging and validation that complements our own self-worth.
Additionally, finding meaning and purpose in our lives can contribute to long-term happiness and fulfillment. This could involve pursuing passions, setting meaningful goals, or contributing to causes that align with our values. When we have a sense of purpose, we're less likely to get caught up in feelings of inadequacy or comparison with others.
By Ayush
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