I'm tired of talking, explaining myself. I don't want to listen to anyone. I don't want to get baffled in these words battles." I'm sure that even you have gone through such stages in your life at least once.
Generally, when we are in the age groups of 18-25, we face many unexpected changes. At that time, we realize that being silent works more than speaking. Sometimes, even if we try to explain our side politely, the person in front of us takes it in a wrong way and makes judgments based on incomplete conversations. That's the moment when we suck at talking. We choose to be silent.
What silence and elaborate silence meaning
When there is an omission of words or voice, it is called silence. It can also be known as the strongest mean of nonverbal communication. When we refuse to communicate with someone and choose silence over communication, that is silence moment.
Spiritually, silence is known as the state of mind, when our mind is not in any movement and in a great stillness. Scientifically, it is said that silence is a more crucial state of mind our brain can ever have.
Silence work like the successor of words. When words don't work, silence does. There are many situations when we go through silence. When we are in trauma or in a situation where communication doesn’t work at all.
Silence VS silent treatment
Silence is a circumstance or a set of circumstances when there is no sound at all. It can be purposive or non-purposive. Suppose we are at someone's funeral, then silence is obvious there.
And if we deliberately choose to be silent for a purpose, it is called silent treatment.
For example, if we don't want to argue with stereotypes, who never agree with our opinions, we will probably choose to be quiet, which is a silent treatment.
This is the slight difference between silence and silent treatment.
Virtual silent treatment
When we stop texting someone or replying to someone's messages, it is the virtual silent treatment. When someone makes us feel unimportant in their life, or when we realize that our existence doesn't matter. It is the exact time when we are supposed to leave that relationship. No matter what that relation is.
Now, the best way to use silent treatment here is, you can block that person from all your social media platforms. It is the most appreciating step you will ever take for your mental peace.
Now, what is the psychology behind blocking someone? Most of the time, I do this. Whenever I don't feel to talk to someone, or the person makes me realize that I don't matter to them, I simply block them. It is not toxic at all; only the thing is you choose your mental health over someone.
When we block someone, we indirectly break all the mediums of contact; as soon as contact declines, silence occurs. In such dilemmas, control yourself from talking to such people. Once you get used to it, you won't be offended by silence ever.
Power of silence
Why is silence more powerful than words? Yes, it is because of giving someone the silent treatment volume about your character. Sometimes handling situations in silence work effectively.
Silence + Few poignant words
Handling things silently and replying to someone politely but with effective words leaves a strong impression of your emotions. No too much chattering, no explanations, and no proving your points; it’s just about silence and few effective words and a calm smile on your face.
More thinking = enhanced conversations
When we choose to be quiet, we get more time to think. So, we can enhance our abilities to talk or to deal with someone more effectively. The more you are quiet, the faster you get the solutions. When our mind is not indulging in speaking, we can think with much concentration. As fast as our brain works, more quickly we get the clues.
Silence facilitates facing challenges.
Silence puts us in a mental peace that leads us to think thoroughly. When we go deep down to a particular thought, It doesn’t seem too difficult. Then, we can see and face the challenges with more rigor.
We can analyze the conversations.
When we are quiet, the person speaking in front of us is the only center of attention. And therefore, we can analyze their words and can find the literal emotions behind their messages.
When we are silent, we can get to listen to our gut feeling more clearly. These are the feelings we cannot express easily but can learn more productively about ourselves.
When do we learn the power of silence?
When our words don't matter to someone in any relationship, or there are also people who recognize the power of silence after a breakup. Because they may have lost the person with whom they shared their best time and the secrets they may not have been shared with someone previously. Such situations push them towards unforeseen stages of life. Where people prefer to be quiet.
When silence is abusive?
When the silent treatment turns into abuse? When we do it deliberately but not with the good motive behind it. When there is the psychological manipulation of emotions, for selfishness, It is called abusive silence.
Following situations can be considered as an abuse of silence.
● The intention behind silence is to hurt someone.
● When we use silence to pressurise someone to change their decisions or behavior.
● When our silence works as blame. It means when we use it to make someone feel guilty, even if that person is innocent.
● To mold and turn the situations the way we want.
● When silence is used unduly and unnecessarily.
● When our ego doesn’t let us accept our mistake by ending the silence.
● When silence indicates, someone’s existence doesn’t matter in our life.
● When we use silence to prove baseless opinions and conclusions.
Indeed, silent treatments work as a therapy to make relationships and situations better but using it in the wrong way is not acceptable. It is clearly an abuse of silence.
How to handle silent treatment with dignity.
Let’s listen to a story first. It will indirectly let us know how to deal with silence.
There is a couple in town named Meera and Sachin. They are together for the last 2 years and got married recently. Meera is a bit mischievous girl, and Sachin is completely the opposite of her. He is a calm but understanding guy. He hates it whenever someone repeats the same thing, even after warning by him.
There is a girl in their Colony named Jennifer, whom Sachin hates a lot. The reason behind it is she was in love with Sachin for years. Even after denying her proposal, she used to approach Sachin again and again. But one day, all his calmness got burst, and he yelled at her and warned her not to follow him.
As soon as Meera and Sachin got married, Sachin told Meera that stay away from Jennifer, even if she tries to talk to her. But one day, accidentally, Meera and Jennifer come forth. Meera smiled at her, but Jennifer started talking to her. Sachin saw them talking. He could not control his anger and walk away from there; he didn't say anything.
He even didn't talk to Meera for 3 days. Meera approached him gently and tried to explain her side. She apologized and even told him that she won't talk to Jennifer again. And after listening to her words, Sachin forgives her.
● Now let's see how this story conveys the ways of handling the silent treatment if you are a victim.
Meera took a fair stand; she leniently approached Sachin. She accepted her mistake and even promised him that she won’t do anything again that will make him angry. And all these things she did, because the person in her life is important than what is right.
It was not even her mistake, but still, she chooses to accept the fault for their relation. Therefore, using silent treatment in relationships is preferable whenever needed.
● Now, if you are who is using the silent treatment on someone, then how you will handle it?
The first thing Sachin did was, he listened to his gut feeling that Meera did wrong to him, so he chooses to be silent until Meera understands his viewpoint. He did not use the silent treatment excessively. When things came to a normal, he responded kindly in few words.
Why do people give silent treatment?
There can be many reasons behind using a silent treatment. Some may use it for punishing someone, or others may use it as a therapy to their own mind.
● People use the silent treatment to avoid unwanted people conversations with them.
● Ignoring someone may also indicate disinterest in those people. And when silent treatment is in the process, ignoring someone or being ignored by someone is normal.
● Silence can also be an indicator of the end of the conversation. When Someone doesn't wish to continue the conversation with us, they may keep themselves quiet.
● Treatment can also be used to make someone believe their mistake. This is one of the major reasons behind using the silent treatment.
● When people are tired of explaining or proving themselves right, they may choose to be silent.
Is silent treatment immature?
From my perspective, it is not at all. It may be disrespectful, but not immature. Using silent treatment may resolve our tangled problems indirectly. Because when we choose to be silent, it shows that there is some purpose behind our silence. And if the person on whom we are using silent treatment is comprehending and mature enough, that person will never find the silent treatment immature or pointless.
But yes, it is highly recommended that, do not use silent treatment inadequately. It should only be used until the motive behind it is attained.
How long should silent treatment last?
Predicting the specific time for the silent treatment is not possible. It wholly depends on what the situation is.
If the person on whom we are using it is affected by the silent treatment, then we should end it as soon as possible. When our silence doesn't matter to the offender, then it may be last long, or it may never end further.
One more thing to fix in mind is never let so-called quotes trap you. Just like we heard that true love is when he ignores you, she ignores you. First, recognize what the vibe of that silence is? When someone ignores you on purpose, it may never last long.
When the purpose behind the silence is to make the situation better than before, we must take silent treatment positively. But when someone ignores you, till the point, you start hating yourself, it is not good enough. It cannot be said as the silent treatment. It becomes silent treatment abuse.
Is silent treatment manipulation?
Indeed, it is. When we remain quiet, we refuse to initiate a conversation with someone; it is indirectly the manipulation of emotions. Indicate our disinterest in that particular person. It is always said that action and silence speak louder than words do.
It reaches the stage of manipulation when we use the silent treatment with some intention behind it. There may be good or inferior motives behind it.
If we take the example of a mom and her kid. Says no to junk food, but still, the stubborn kid doesn't listen to her. Time to make her kid believe that he is wrong, mom may choose to be silent talk to her kid.
Here, she tries to manipulate her kid's emotions, but for his good health. She does not have any grudge behind her silence.
Why is silent treatment bad?
Generally, the perpetrator feels it unpleasant to go through silent treatment. It cannot be said as completely bad, but when it is used unnecessarily and excessively, it is termed as bad. If the victim is not guilty and still you are not talking to them, it may push them towards stress and anxiety.
Abusing someone psychologically is not practically good, but to make things fall into their place, it is advisable to use silent treatment when there is utmost need.
One more thing we can do is, we can take action to make things right as soon as we see the sign of silence.
Silence cannot be clearly termed as good or bad directly. It depends on the situation. We must use it for healthy relationships, but while doing it, keeping limits in mind is also necessary. When you remain silent, you can find new ways of finding the solutions for your problems that may be hidden to date. Do not take silence as loneliness; find peace in it. But yes, before you decide to use silent treatment on someone, do it only if you are sure that you are right.