Dealing with a Self-Centered Girlfriend: Practical Tips

Dealing with a Self-Centered Girlfriend: Practical Tips


Have you ever experienced moments in your relationship where you felt your voice wasn't being heard?

For instance, you open up about a tough day to your girlfriend, only to have her brush it off and shift the focus to her own challenges.

Or perhaps you share news of a promotion, only to have her downplay it in comparison to her own accomplishments. It could be that your girlfriend tends to prioritize herself over others.

Here are some strategies to address this behavior without negatively impacting the relationship:

1. Communicate your needs:

MFT therapist MoAndra Johnson highlights that self-centered individuals may not fully grasp the impact of their actions on others. Therefore, open communication is essential. It's beneficial to express to your girlfriend if you feel neglected or hurt.

  • You might say, "I noticed you didn't inquire about my day" or "I felt overlooked regarding my promotion."

  • These discussions address specific actions rather than general character traits, providing areas for improvement without making the person feel attacked.

2. Lookout for gaslighting:

In a healthy, respectful relationship, your girlfriend validates your feelings and accepts you as you are. However, if she consistently dismisses your perspective or tries to convince you that you're imagining things, it's important to recognize potential red flags.

  • Gaslighting often involves doubting your perceptions of events or manipulating your thoughts on a regular basis.

  • Individuals who engage in gaslighting behavior typically take a considerable amount of time to change, and many never do. It's advisable to distance yourself from such relationships before significant emotional harm occurs.

3. Break it off:

This should be considered a final resort. If you've been a supportive partner and have exhausted all efforts to communicate and salvage the relationship without success, it's advisable to end things.

Every person has a threshold to endure, and to maintain your self-esteem, it's wise to part ways with a selfish girlfriend. Perhaps she'll realize your value once you're no longer around.

4. Reconnect with ourselves:

In the company of self-absorbed individuals, our sense of self-worth can gradually erode as we start seeing ourselves through their perspective.

  • Dedicate time to activities you enjoy, fostering self-worth.

  • Seek connections with those who appreciate you for who you are.

With growing confidence, you'll be able to address your girlfriend's self-centered behavior.

5. Speak up:

Women who are focused on themselves often gradually silence their partner's voices. This can lead to their partners enduring mistreatment or having their opinions ignored in silence.

Rather than silently enduring their tantrums or domineering behavior, it's important to speak up and address their actions. However, this should be done in a gentle and tactful manner. By doing so, it helps prevent unnecessary conflicts.

6. Take breaks:

When your partner becomes excessively demanding, it's okay to take a breather for a few days. If they reach out, you can kindly explain that you need some space.

  • At first, they might be confused or unaware of the situation. They may not even realize their behavior is the root cause.

  • However, with time, they'll likely reflect on their actions and how they impact you, opening the door for positive change.

7. Start taking turns:

So, the idea here is to avoid confronting your girlfriend head-on. Instead, try sitting down together and having a calm conversation where both of you can express your thoughts and feelings.

This approach fosters a comfortable exchange of emotions rather than escalating into a shouting match. Your girlfriend is likely to be more receptive and open to sharing her thoughts through this exercise.

8. Be selfish:

Make yourself a priority and engage in activities that bring you joy. Set aside time for yourself and propose shared activities with your girlfriend that you both enjoy.

● Learn to decline things that don't resonate with you or make you uneasy.

● Strive for a healthy balance between self-care and consideration for others, avoiding excessive selfishness.

9. Try to understand them:

Self-absorption typically isn't innate; often, it's shaped by past traumas or difficult childhood experiences. Encouraging your girlfriend to share her history can provide insight into her behavior. Understanding her past can guide you in supporting her through counseling, enabling her to address and improve her actions.

10. Draw boundaries:

It's crucial for your mental well-being in the long run. Communicate to your girlfriend that you're supportive and attentive to her needs.

  • Avoid being overly accommodating and allowing her to take advantage of you.

  • Emphasize the importance of mutual respect for each other's feelings, perspectives, and time. Relationships thrive on reciprocity.

11. Discuss past successes:

When tackling challenges with your partner, it's beneficial to reflect on past successes together. Highlighting instances where you both compromised and resolved conflicts with patience and effort can serve as motivation for future endeavors. By focusing on constructive solutions, you strengthen your bond and navigate obstacles as a team.

12. Encourage selflessness:

You can have a conversation with your girlfriend about the multitude of rewards that come with being selfless. Discuss how acts of kindness such as helping the less fortunate or spending quality time with loved ones can bring a sense of peace and fulfillment, enriching your life in meaningful ways.

Express to her the profound impact that practicing gratitude has had on your life, highlighting how it has transformed you into a better individual. Encourage her to contemplate adopting some of these qualities herself, as they could greatly enhance her own well-being.

13. Let her assume responsibility:

In a live-in relationship, you may find yourself shouldering all the responsibilities for your girlfriend, which can create stress for you and foster laziness and selfishness in her.

  • Assign specific tasks such as bill payments and grocery shopping to her.

  • Consider creating a chart to evenly divide responsibilities between the two of you.

14. Speak wisely:

Instead of fixating on your girlfriend's personality traits when discussing problems, concentrate on the specific issue at hand. Clinical psychologist Jennifer Rhodes suggests highlighting the specific concerns rather than resorting to general criticism.

  • Use gentle and constructive language to communicate the problem. This approach helps your girlfriend to understand and address your concerns more effectively.

  • Research indicates that individuals are more open to constructive criticism about their behavior rather than their character, as behaviors are easier to modify.

15. seek couple's therapy:

If you're in a committed relationship or engaged, ending it can be challenging. Consider seeking therapy with your partner to address and resolve your issues.

  • A professional setting can make it easier to discuss your problems.

  • Counselors often work with couples facing similar challenges and can provide support and guidance.


Relationships can be challenging, especially when one partner is self-absorbed. This can escalate issues significantly.

Coping with a self-centered girlfriend requires understanding the root cause of her behavior, which may stem from past trauma or negative experiences.

Supporting her through this can be beneficial, but it's also important to maintain your own self-respect and dignity. If the relationship doesn't improve, walking away is a valid option to consider.

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