karishma Archana
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Guru
Writing is in progress...............
Writing is my hobby, and I am working hard to make it my profession. I write more about the lifestyle, and I love to express my thoughts.
Every animal on the earth has feelings and emotions. However, only humans are fortunate that they can express their thoughts without any difficulty.
You might have some people around you who can sense what you are feeling or thinking at the moment. If someone understands or perceives, what you are actually feeling right now, you feel blessed. This trait, someone consistent, is empathy. These feelings don't only help you make your place in someone's life, but you also feel happy.
At the same time, we also can see some people don't try to understand the feeling of other people, even if they say them clearly. You can tell they have lack empathy.
Well, empathy makes you different from other people. But, what specialty you have when you are called an empathic person? What makes you different from others? And, how you help other people to be happy?
There is a lot to know about empathy. And, in this article, I am trying to cover every detail that you would like to know about it. And, here I started.
What is empathy?
If I have to define empathy in simple terms; it is the ability someone holds to sense and understands the feeling and emotion of other people being in their shoes. Such people can imagine how another person might be feeling or thinking at the moment right now.
An empathetic person can understand someone emotionally; they try to see things from their point of view, they can feel their pain by putting themselves in their situation. Such people try to feel the pain, what the other person might be going through.
When an empathetic person sees someone suffering in their lives, they can imagine themselves in their place instantly, and they start feeling what the other person was feeling. Thus, such a person can understand the feelings of the person.
In a world where people are generally biased with their own lives and emotions, feeling someone else's feelings is not easy. But, the ability of empathy allows you to walk being in someone's shoes, enabling you to feel what others might be feeling.
I have seen many people, who cannot be a part of someone's pain and can't respond to them genuinely, and only portray to care about them; some people can actually feel their pain, visible from their vibes and emotions. This shows that empathy is not a universal response. At the same time, being empathetic did not always mean that you want to help others surely. But, it is the action of showing compassion.
Empathy has deep roots in your body and brain. Our ancestors have also been traced with empathy. Also, it can be seen in dogs and rats. Empathy can be connected through two different ways in our brain. Scientists believe that some element of kindness can be seen in mirror neurons. These are the cells that get activated when you see someone in pain, and that would only happen when you were in the same situation.
This might be why an empathetic person tries to be in another person's shoes, to feel their pain. Let me help you in explaining the thing with an example.
If one of your known people has lost their mother, and when you came to know about it, you instantly reacted to their situation, with the same pain they might be feeling as you put yourself in their place and tried to imagine their pain.
Well, the example is itself intense; no one would ever like to feel this pain. But, an empathetic person can feel the pain someone is going through instantly.
Sign of Empathy
It is not hard to find if you are an empathetic person or not. Every trait has some signs. And you need to identify them, so does empathy.
I have listed some of the common signs that an empathetic person has. Please go through it, and see what qualities a compassionate person consists of.
● You are good at listening, what other people are saying.
● Other people come to you to share their problems with you.
● You can feel the same way that other is feeling.
● You are very good at guessing how other people might be feeling.
● People come to you for your advice.
● You feel overwhelmed by awful events.
● You are always ready to help others who are suffering.
● You can quickly tell someone if they are not honest with their saying.
● You care for others deeply.
● You feel drained in social situations.
● You can't set boundaries in-between you and your relationships.
● You are good at putting yourself in other's shoes. Etc.
Type of Empathy
Empathy is an overall emotion that we know as the ability to feel how other people are feeling in an unfortunate condition. But, the meaning of empathy doesn't stop here only. But, it is more beyond this.
A person can feel different types of empathy. And, here are they.
Affective Empathy:
As the word says, this is the sensation you get in response to other people's emotions. You can also say it as it is the mirroring emotion of a person, or you are feeling stressed when you see someone suffering. Such emotional understanding may enable you to feel concerned about other people's we'll be or personal discomfort.
Cognitive Empathy:
It is also known as perspective-taking, in which you can identify and understand the emotions of other people. As per various research, those suffering from Autism Spectrum Disorders have a hard time emphasizing. It is the ability to understand someone's mental state. This is related to psychologist's theory of mind.
Somatic Empathy:
In this case, someone can react physically in response to someone else's experience. In this condition, you feel like other people feel physical, like a feeling of an upset stomach.
Even if compassion and sympathy may seem identical to empathy, they are different from it. Sympathy and compassion are more passive connections, whereas empathy is a more active sensation to understand someone's feelings.
Lack of empathy signs
As we can see some people showing their emotional support to other people, trying to understand their pain and be genuinely concerned about someone, there are a few people who are not in the range of such an emotion.
This condition may be related to lack of empathy, which is commonly seen in psychiatric conditions like borderline and narcissistic personality disorder, psychopathy or antisocial personality disorder, alexithymia, autism spectrum disorders, etc. Whereas people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder show a prominent feeling of self-importance, they need more admiration and have to lack empathy.
Instead of this, the people have many signs that showcase they have a lack of empathy. And few of them are as follows.
● They quickly blame others without knowing the fact and putting themselves in other person's shoes.
● If people suffer from some painful conditions, they will keep themselves out of their reach and seem calm.
● For them, their ideas and opinions are 100% right. And when someone doesn't agree with them, they judge them based on their opinion.
● They don't feel happy with others.
● They can't make or keep friends for long.
● They can't be with their family members.
● They are ready to receive help from you and be with you until their need is fulfilled without showing appreciation. They will feel insulted if you don't help them.
● Being in a group, they will only talk about themselves and their life, without caring about the topic you were discussing in the group.
● They will always do or say something that hurts others, and then they will blame them for their reaction. They genuinely believe that their response was inadequate, and they react over-sensitively.
● For such people, they are always right. And that's why they seem to be fighting with their family and friends, coworkers, and even strangers too.
● They will always blame others for their problem. For example, the events like, if something is broken down due to their fault, the dinner is burnt out, or their assignment is incomplete, they will find something or someone to blame them for the happening.
● Such people can not cope with anything due to their low EQ. So, they will always try to go away from the situation or try to hide their feelings.
● Without knowing anything or any reason, such people may have an emotional outburst. They may be seen emotionally uncontrollably for minutes or hours.
People with a lack of empathy will have very few close friends. This is because a good relationship needs compassion, give and take, emotional support, and sharing of emotions that a low EQ person doesn't have. Thus, they may come as an insensitive person.
They try to shift an overall conversation to them. If you are experiencing something right now, for them, they have experienced it before, better or worst than you.
How to be more empathetic?
We live in a society where you want other people to know about your pain and try to feel it just because they are so irritating due to their behavior.
We are in a society where some people are like us, in many ways, like, in education, earning, spending money, worshiping, etc. As everyone has their world around themselves, they have a different bubble to live in, and thus, there is an empathy deficit, due to which many problems are born.
Research says, even if there is a lack of empathy in people around the world, this trait can be developed. You will get solutions for many of your problems. So, here are some of the ways to help you with improving empathy.
1. Talk to new people
Jodi Halpern, a psychiatrist, and bioethics professor at the University of California, Berkeley, who studies empathy, says, “For me, the core of empathy is curiosity,”
If you think only trying to imagine the pain of others is not enough, but you should try talking to them as well.
For this, began to have a conversation with others. Let them be your friends, neighbors, strangers, or colleagues. Try to know about their life. Ask them how's their life is going. Invite them to your place.
Also, remember, when you are talking to them, make sure you have eliminated the digital screens in between you. Focus on your conversation and their facial expressions and body language. It will help you know them better.
2. Be in other's shoes
A psychiatrist, Helen Riess, who is a chief scientific Empathetic, says, "Don’t just stand in someone else’s shoes, as the saying goes, but take a walk in them."
You can attend someone else's worship places for few days or visit developing places to meet new people. Spend time with them, have conversations with homeless people to know their situation.
Try to consider and understand the behavior of people. And try to find out the reason behind their nature or attitude. Primarily, know the behavior of teenagers or kids and the reason behind it.
3. Be honest
Honesty sounds simple and more straightforward, but it is not a cup of tea for everyone. When you are on the hunt for being empathetic, you need to be honest with yourself and others.
You might have to change your mind, lifestyle, habits, and way of thinking too. And it will take your efforts. But, accept everything that comes to you honestly and respond to it accordingly. Don't be biased with anything. Don't stick to a single point.
4. Amplify Other Voices
This one is not something everyone steps in. Everyone wants others to hear and appreciate them by dominating others.
In this condition, be the voice of others. If you see someone is underrepresented in your group, be their voice.
It is like, when being in a group discussion, someone had a valid point, but no one is attending it, neither they can put their opinion, try to amplify their voice by saying, "they are saying right. Let's focus on it too."
5. Stand Up for Others
"Speak up when someone makes a discriminatory comment or interrupts. This is especially important to do when you’re not part of the community being undermined", said Ms. Thomas.
Being empathetic does not only mean feeling someone's emotions but standing for others too when they need it.
When you acknowledge privileges, try to use them for others. To do this, you can donate money or something that is being raised to help others.
This is not only about money, but you can try supporting others to share their ideas if someone is interrupting them often.
6. Read books
Again, books can help you to be empathetic. Whether you are in life with fiction or non-fiction books, both can help you to develop empathy.
A nonfiction book aims to grab your imagination into it. And while reading such books, if you can get lost in their story, you can feel the journey.
Instead of this, try to understand and learn from fictional books. Fictional books will help you to find out many things.
Also, read the empathetic books for children. As of, books for adults helps them to grow when you raise a child with such books, they will start to grow with empathy.
7. Admit You are Biased
Erin L. Thomas, a partner at Paradigm that helps communities with diversity and inclusion strategies, says, “Bias is a natural part of the human condition. This is adaptive for us to take mental shortcuts and make conclusions about the people around us. Actively working to combat that is what matters."
There is no doubt that we all are biased when it comes to things that we love. But, after knowing it, overcoming it essential.
Being bias is unconscious, and to know about it, try taking a bias quiz like Project Implicit, which was started by researchers at the University of Virginia, the University of Washington.
8. Practice Empathy
Even though empathy is a natural emotion, and we can see it many people being naturally empathetic, you can develop it by practice too.
Empathy is basically knowing the feeling of other and compassionating towards it.
Neuroscientists say, "when two-part of the brain work together, the emotional center perceives the feelings of others, and the cognitive center tries to understand why they feel that way and how we can be helpful to them."
According to research, empathy helps you to be a better person, personally and professionally. At the same time, it is beyond personal benefit. For a better human future, empathy is crucial.
Why lack of empathy also need to show?
Empathy has benefits in many fields, starting from your personal development to aid you professionally.
Simultaneously, lack of empathy ends up in many disorders. It can be a result of environmental, disease, genetic, trauma, physical or psychological damage, etc.
Lack of empathy mainly refers to sociopathy and psychopathy. Whereas,
Psychopathy
Psychopathy that originated from Greek history, where psyche refers to mind, and pathos refers to suffering. Even though, the meaning of this psychological term is shifted to various areas, in the end, it is associated with mental sickness.
Mind sickness indicates its nature itself. And it can be harmful to the person and people around them. Mind sickness damages the ability to feel, think, sense of proportion, imagination, understanding reality, and controlling your emotions.
The reason behind it's harmful is, in this condition, either your mind stops working at all, or it works against you and affects your power to feel, think and understand completely.
Mind sickness can turn into many dangerous forms. Let me say; it breaks your ability to understand the reality, and can result in,
Paranoia: it is a constant baseless sense of fear anxiety.
Schizophrenia: it is a crushed mental condition.
Hallucinations: it is widespread, wherein someone sees or experiences non-existent things.
Delusions: imagining things that are unsupported by your experiences to be true.
Any damage to any of your brain's parts van leads to tremendous problems. But, its seriousness can be imagined; think, what if, broken or damaged part of your brain becomes your ability to react or control yourself?
In such a case, you have lost empathy completely. And, the people are just a shadowy, moving figure for you, and their behavior is completely opposite of yours. For example, you are watching a musical show without a sound. Imagine the situation when you are only watching moving pictures, without music and words.
Instead of having a social impact, a lack of empathy also affects you personally. Your feelings and emotions are dead. And nothing can affect you at all. So, for you, people are different, with no attachment, no emotions, and nothing. You are like a blank slate that, you want to keep it blank forever.
Sociopathy
Sociopathy comes from the Latin word, whereas, Socius means supporter or companion, and pathos suffers in Greek.
The people who are called sociopaths have difficulty associating with the people around them. This is because their ability to deal with others is damaged.
Sociopathy can also be called, Antisocial Personality Disorder, whereas people in their society disregard the suffering person. The symptoms for ASPD are still visible in a person's childhood, yet, they can not be diagnosed until one turns to adult.
This condition can be treated but can't be cured. Whereas the treatment may require the support of family members and talking therapy for an affected person.
A person who is a sociopath can't hide their symptoms, such as lying, breaking laws, lack of regret, etc. They can be varied as per age.
As of, lack of empathy seems to be expected, but it is not. You can consider one with less heart, but a person with a lack of sympathy can be as harmful as a weapon. Either they cannot cope with their emotions, or they are antisocial, which is worst.
How to deal with people with lack empathy?
As empathy help you understand other people's feeling and their conditions of feeling the way they are feeling right now when you see some people with lack of empathy, their attitude irritates you, and you can't handle them.
At the same time, it is not always possible to make them realize their mistakes. Instead, such people always find them suitable. And your behavior might irritate them.
Well, it is not too easy to deal with people who are lack empathy. But, it is not impossible. You may need to change some of your ways to deal with it. Some of them are as follows.
1. Don’t take their behavior personally
People with a lack of empathy may sometimes hurt you by their words, actions, anger, or judgment. And it's evident if you react to it. But, remember, they are the people who have difficulty connecting with people emotionally.
Don't take it personally. You are not at the place. But even if you try to make them understand, they won't be agreed with you. So, this can be an excellent way to deal with them.
2. Don’t explain your feelings
People with a lack of empathy are opposite to you, and if you tried to explain to them what you are feeling at the moment, it would be like wasting your time and energy.
Please do whatever you want to do; they won't realize it anyway. So, don't try to do it often. It will not benefit, but it will only boost up their anger, frustration, and judgment.
3. Talk about facts
Dealing with people who lack empathy can be challenging, as you need to take care of them; they should not feel blamed. If they think so, they will turn back to you.
So, if you want them to understand your thoughts and feelings, put your opinion in such a way that they don't feel shameful or blamed. For this, put the facts and your way of thinking that show your opinion without hurting their emotions.
4. Develop relationships with trustworthy people
Now, this is not easy to find trustworthy people in today's world. But, your experience can help you with it.
When you spend time with people who can understand your feelings, thoughts, respect your opinion, it can make you feel safe sharing your genuine emotions. Either, they are the people you feel comfortable with.
If you want to find such people, go back into your past and see who showed you up the signs of empathy in the past. Avoiding people with a lack of empathy is also a good way to deal with such people.
5. Distance yourself from them
The best way to deal with such people is to maintain a safe distance from them.
When you meet someone, you can't know them in one go, and till you know them, you have established a bond with them. So, it is not essential to put a full stop always. If you distance yourself from people who lack of empathy, it is not bearable for them. But, by distancing yourself from them can be a good way to avoid them.
You can put a comma too by setting some boundaries in meetings and connecting to them.
Keep the contacting superficial so that you can avoid arguments with them. And don't expect a deeper connection with them.
6. Love yourself
Dealing with people who lack empathy is not only about dealing with and avoiding them only. You can also pay attention to yourself too.
You need to love and care about yourself. Be kind to yourself show love towards yourself. Eat what you want, work on your goal, get rest, pursue your dream, develop a good friend circle and healthy spiritual life.
People who lack empathy may blame you for something, their behavior may hurt you, or you get disappointed with their attitude. But, when you love yourself, you know, where to react and what to ignore. Which allows you to deal with such people better.
7. Know your value
It is essential to know your worth. No one else can decide your value, nor people with a lack of empathy who blame you. No one's opinion makes you validated nor their lives.
As it is essential to know your value, unless you realize it, you won't respect yourself.
8. Get professional help
It is not shameful taking help from a professional. If someone is ready to give you emotional support every time you need it, if prepared to be your life coach, guide you rightly in your hard times, it is not a bad deal to make with yourself.
Your family and friends can always be present for you, even if they are ready to help. So, in such a condition, if someone is showing a willingness to change your life, and strengthen your relationships by supporting you emotionally, get it.
This tip is more beneficial for people who lack of empathy themselves. Even, you want to help such people, you can suggest them to take professional help.
Is empathy an emotion?
Daniel Goleman, who is the author of the book Emotional Intelligence, says that “empathy is basically the ability to understand others' emotions.”
So, empathy is a skill and not an emotion. Empathy can be considered as an interpersonal skill that shows up naturally to people.
As per social psychology, empathy can be said as an emotional reaction towards something. Whereas empathy can be divided into three types, viz,
1. Affective empathy
2. Cognitive empathy
3. Somatic empathy
They are different from each other due to the pattern of their reaction towards the event.
As empathy is a practical, emotional experience of another person and feeling the same emotion, it makes you feel various emotions. This also raises the question of if it is an emotion or a skill.
Whereas many researchers say that empathy is a skill, and some are yet to conclude between the skill or an emotion.
As you can develop, establish and work on it, it can be said that it is a skill that some people have naturally and some need to improve.
How to empathize with someone?
Throughout the article, I was talking about showing empathy, improve empathy, and dealing with people who lack empathy. But, it is also necessary to know how to empathize with someone.
Well, it doesn't ask you for more effort, but you can do it by sifting yourself emotionally and find it better. So, let's check out the list to see how it works.
1. Put yourself in other's places.
It is not a big deal to judge someone without knowing the fact and the condition they are going through. We can easily pass a comment, "it is not a big deal," "I don't understand why you are reacting this way," or "you are overreacting now," etc. and how many of actually try to be in someone's shoes and try to understand their feelings.
Maybe, 1 out of 10. It is possible that you might not even think how big their problem is, and they are just reacting to it, and if you were in their place, your reaction would have been worst than theirs.
So, before judging someone, try to be in their place and walk a mile to know what they might be going through.
2. Show care and concern.
Sometimes, your actions are enough to make someone feel great. If someone is coming to you with their personal problem, they might be seeking emotional support from you.
In such a case, your "how are you feeling now?" and "can I do something for you?" words can heal them emotionally.
Show your support to your close friends, and if they are your partner, hug them and be with them.
3. Acknowledge the person’s feelings
One of the most common and significant gaps in the conversation and hence in the relationships is not acknowledging each other's feelings. Well, this can be in between two friends or family too.
When someone says, "I'm so sad," " I'm angry," "I'm frustrated," and so on, offer them a wise response. Acknowledging them an intelligent answer would mean saying, " I'm sorry hearing that," "what happened?" Such a response can be their therapy for the moment.
When you deny acknowledging their feeling means disrespecting them and their feelings. Emotions are one of the ways to connect you with them. So, always respect and acknowledge it.
4. Ask questions
Questions are the key to the conversation. When someone comes to you with their problems and especially with their personal situation, ask them questions to make them feel that you are ready to support them. Remember to ask them meaningful questions.
Let me say if someone comes to you and shares that they lost their close one, asking them, "are you okay?" "What happened?" or " sorry to hear that" kinds of questions can help them to open up.
If you say, "I see," " move on," or "try to cope with it," it can indicate them to put a full stop and don't express their feelings.
5. Mirror response
You might have the experience that, when you were sad, you tried to share your feeling with someone, and text them about ten messages at a time, and their response was as cold as, "okay," or " I see," or "ohh, no" types, I'm sure you might not have tried to share further with them.
It is one of the conversation stoppers, responding to a single word or a single statement for 5 paragraph text. Where one is open up to share things, whereas, other is closing off. Here, what mirroring comes in.
Mirroring would mean responding to someone in an appropriate manner to build a connection. In simpler words, it means copying someone with your response.
An example of this would be sharing something with you, like their breakup; your response should also be mirroring their problem as a solution. Or, you can also try to build communication based on what they are sharing with you.
6. Don’t run ahead of the conversation.
I have seen many people doing it. Jumping in between or ahead of a conversation would mean reaching the endpoint of a discussion rather than knowing and hearing out the matter first. Many people do this.
For example, if one of your friends comes to you saying they have lost their job, they might be expecting something good hearing or an empathetic response from your side. And if you say, "I hope, you get a new job soon," it may ruin their hope.
Probably, they are not expecting you to make them feel better, but there are just sharing their pain with you; it's your duty to make sure you respond to them as per the situation.
To know how to react in this situation would be, try to be in their place, and feel what they are feeling right now. And, if you share this news with anyone, and in response, what you would like to hear is your solution for your dilemma. Try out this, and go one by one. Don't just jump on the endpoint and try to make them feel better.
7. Don’t judge
People are experts in making judgments for others without knowing the fact. Thus, it closes off the conversation. Let me say, if your friend didn't score good marks in the exam, this doesn't mean that they haven't studied well.
They may have any other issue like, they couldn't write a paper due to any health problem, or any of their family problem.
So, only by knowing the current situation can you guess how someone is stuck in the current situation. And when you learn to understand it, you will be able to ignore judgments.
8. Show emotional support
Sometimes you don't need a solution or good result for whatever the condition is; someone's support makes you feel better; offer others your support, in whatever condition they are.
Trust me; what your support can do for someone sometimes, your solution may don't have the strength to do it.
"I'll always be there for you" are the magical words for someone. And when someone needs them, do the magic with these words and see them growing.
How to have empathy?
Now it's time to check out yourself. If you think you have empathy, or you want to have compassion, you need to develop it and improve it in yourself, and it is not a huge deal to do it.
Just check out the list, and see how to have empathy.
1. Challenge yourself
Push yourself toward challenging situations and keep challenging yourself until you get out of your comfort zone and develop a better you.
Learn new skills such as foreign language, musical instrument, dancing, and so on. Don't stop and keep learning. Develop professional skills.
When you do all these things, you are humble. And humility enables empathy.
2. Get out of your comfort zone.
It is essential to get out of your comfort zone. When you be in the box, you don't get to explore new things, new people, not your skills and your capabilities.
For example, if you went on a trip, you will meet new people, know new culture and be a better one. This way, you get to get better appreciation too.
3. Get feedback
Feedbacks can help you develop yourself. Ask for feedback about yourself from your family and friends or colleagues, too.
Ask feedback about your listening skills, presenting skills, etc. Also, it is essential to check them periodically to see your performance.
4. Explore the heart
This can be interesting for you to do so. Read books and analyze yourself by exploring your relationships and emotions.
This will help you to improve empathy. This practice is done in the case of young doctors to enhance empathy in them.
5. Be in others’ shoes
Being in someone's shoes is the best way to know how someone feels in their tough times.
When you feel something real, you can understand the pain. And being in someone's place give you a chance to know it and feel it.
Well, in this way, you can be more empathetic.
6. Examine your biases
Even if you say it multiple times, admit it; you are biased. We all are biased toward something or someone, especially regarding exact age, gender, and race. And if you deny this fact, you are lying.
Check out yourself, and see how biased you are.
7. Develop a sense of curiosity
Curiosity tends to learn. Just like, when you ask something curiously to others, you get to know about many things and develop yourself as a stronger person.
8. Ask better questions
Asking questions can also help you having empathy.
When someone shares their problem with you, you need to ask them meaningful questions so that they open up their mind. Also, take care of that; you are not just trying to end the conversation but making it possible for someone to tell you about their feeling and emotion.
Lack of empathy test to find out How empathetic am I
I'm sure, after reading the texts, you have got an idea about, what empathy is, and how it works.
Empathy gives you a chance to sense other people's feelings and emotions and also allows you to feel like they are feeling. As per various researches, empathy makes you more concerned and generous about other's welfare. And also develop a good relationship along with being a good human. Along with it, empathy also improves leadership quality.
At the same time, it is also true that everyone can't have the same intensity of being empathetic. And, it would help if you found out how compassionate you are. Right?
● The below quiz will help you out. This quiz is structured using scientific scales to measure empathy score viz.,
● The Toronto Empathy Questionnaire, developed by Nathan Spreng and his colleagues;
● The Emotion-Specific Empathy Questionnaire, developed by Sally Olderbak and her colleagues.
● The Interpersonal Reactivity Index, developed by Mark Davis.
The quiz has around a total of 28 questions, where the first 22 will help you to measure out your level of empathy, and the next six are helpful for the research team to find out how empathy works on various factors like gender, age, and political exposure.
Try to answer each of them as honestly as possible. The credit for this questioner goes to the respective owners.
Take The Quiz
1.) I feel sad quickly when I see the people around me feel sad.
● Strongly Disagree ● Disagree ● Neutral ● Agree ● Strongly Agree
2.) Before blaming somebody, I try to visualize how I would feel if I were in their place.
● Strongly Disagree ● Disagree ● Neutral ● Agree ● Strongly Agree
3.) It is difficult for me to know what brings in my friend's happiness.
● Strongly Disagree ● Disagree ● Neutral ● Agree ● Strongly Agree
4.) It bothers me when I see someone being treated disrespectfully.
● Strongly Disagree ● Disagree ● Neutral ● Agree ● Strongly Agree
5.) When someone else is feeling excited, I feel excited too.
● Strongly Disagree ● Disagree ● Neutral ● Agree ● Strongly Agree
6.) I have concerned feelings for people less fortunate than me.
● Strongly Disagree ● Disagree ● Neutral ● Agree ● Strongly Agree
7.) I sometimes find it difficult to see things from the other person’s point of view.
● Strongly Disagree ● Disagree ● Neutral ● Agree ● Strongly Agree
8.) I find that I am “in tune” with other people’s moods.
● Strongly Disagree ● Disagree ● Neutral ● Agree ● Strongly Agree
9.) If I’m sure I’m right about something, I don’t waste much time listening to other people’s arguments.
● Strongly Disagree ● Disagree ● Neutral ● Agree ● Strongly Agree
10.) If someone tells me about an event that made them happy, I can easily understand why it made them happy.
● Strongly Disagree ● Disagree ● Neutral ● Agree ● Strongly Agree
11.) I try to look at everybody’s side of a disagreement before I make a decision.
● Strongly Disagree ● Disagree ● Neutral ● Agree ● Strongly Agree
12.) I become irritated when someone cries.
● Strongly Disagree ● Disagree ● Neutral ● Agree ● Strongly Agree
13.) I can quickly think about events that will make my friends happy.
● Strongly Disagree ● Disagree ● Neutral ● Agree ● Strongly Agree
14.) I sometimes try to understand my friends better by imagining how things look from their perspective.
● Strongly Disagree ● Disagree ● Neutral ● Agree ● Strongly Agree
15.) I get a strong urge to help when I see someone who is upset.
● Strongly Disagree ● Disagree ● Neutral ● Agree ● Strongly Agree
16.) I believe that there are two sides to every question and try to look at them both.
● Strongly Disagree ● Disagree ● Neutral ● Agree ● Strongly Agree
17.) When I see that my friend is sad about something, I quickly feel sad as well.
● Strongly Disagree ● Disagree ● Neutral ● Agree ● Strongly Agree
18.) I have a hard time predicting what situations will make other people happy.
● Strongly Disagree ● Disagree ● Neutral ● Agree ● Strongly Agree
19.) When I’m upset with someone, I usually try to put myself in their shoes for a while.
● Strongly Disagree ● Disagree ● Neutral ● Agree ● Strongly Agree
20.) When I see someone being taken advantage of, I feel protective towards them.
● Strongly Disagree ● Disagree ● Neutral ● Agree ● Strongly Agree
21.) I remain unaffected when someone close to me is happy.
● Strongly Disagree ● Disagree ● Neutral ● Agree ● Strongly Agree
22.) I enjoy making other people feel better.
● Strongly Disagree ● Disagree ● Neutral ● Agree ● Strongly Agree
23.) In terms of your gender identity, do you see yourself as:
● Female/Woman ● Male/Man ● Gender non-binary ● I prefer to self-identify ● Specify
24.) What is your age?
● Under 18 ● 18 - 29 ● 30 - 39 ● 40 - 49 ● 50 - 59 ● 60 - 69 ● 70 or Over
25.) Please indicate your birth order about your siblings (if any).
● I am the oldest child (firstborn) ● I am a middle child ● I am the youngest child (last born) ● I am an only child (no siblings)
26.) Would you please select your ethnic background (if you identify with more than one ethnicity, choose the one you remember with the most or select multiethnic)?
● African, African-American ● Asian, Asian-American ● European, European-American (Caucasian) ● Latino, Latino-American, Chicano
● Native American ● Middle Eastern ● Multiethnic ● Specify
27.) How would you describe your political views?
● Very Liberal ● Liberal ● Moderate ● Conservative ● Very Conservative
28.) Please provide your best estimate of your annual household income in USD (before taxes).
● Less than $25,000 ● $25,000 - $49,999 ● $50,000 - $74,999 ● $75,000 - $99,999 ● $100,000 - $124,999 ● $125,000 - $149,999 ● $150,000 - $174,999
● $175,000 - $199,999 ● Over $200,000
How to be more empathetic in a relationship?
When you are in a relationship, there are many expectations involved between the two of you. And it is expected that both partners fulfill the expectations.
Well, relationships also involve many emotions, and empathy is one of them. Every relationship requires empathy, and with this emotion, the connection gets more robust.
1. Be present for your partner.
Stein Berg says, "Gaining an understanding of the significant value of demonstrating empathy towards a partner can encourage couples to prioritize this relationship skill. Even though one partner is going through a hard time, which might skew their objectivity, they should try to become completely attuned to their partners’ feelings in light of the circumstances. This will become a continual two-way street, particularly because one partner's hard times often have a significant effect on the other".
Well, no one can see their partner in trouble, and they want to be there for them anyway. Which makes their relationship more muscular than before.
Where this presence is missing out, the couple may experience an unhealthy relationship.
2. Learn to avoid judgment
Being judgemental about someone and especially about your partner creates a gap in your relationship. When one partner is in difficult times, it is expected from another partner to be present for them in any condition. A genuine relationship is about learning and growing together. And when someone judges others, it makes them feel small.
As per Steinberg, "They can withhold judgment of their partner’s choices and assume that those choices were made after careful consideration, regardless of whether or not they ultimately led to success. Believing that their partners are considerate individuals sets the stage for all good things."
3. Look for positivity
Sigal says, "Often partners get into the habit of focusing on what’s wrong with their partner or their life in general." Segal suggests, “looking, for one good quality in your partner every day.”
This way, they both can feel more empathy for each other, rather than having doubts and complaints about each other. And, this way can help them in improving empathy.
4. Be self-compassionate
Segal emphasizes " treating ourselves with kindness, care and understanding.”
When you can empathize with yourself, then only it is easy to empathize with others. You can develop this skill by practicing it on yourself when you have difficult times, without lowering your experience in the event, Segal continues. Now, check your needs to have healthy strategies.
Keep reminding yourself that no one is perfect, so you. And the struggle is a part of your life. So, be nice to you first.
5. Be empathetic in your time.
Don't stop learning. Maybe empathetic during your time is new for many of you, but it will help you nurture your relationship. And you will see the signs when you start doing it.
Steinberg says, "Some couples struggle with being empathetic toward one another because having empathy is a high-order relationship skill that not everyone has been taught, or has taken the time to learn and master."
6. Share partner's responsibilities
It will be a significant step to try to understand and share your partner's responsibilities.
In a relationship, it is seen that, both the partner often tends to judge each other, rather than trying to understand each other. And thus, they end up in an awful relationship.
It is the secret of long-term relationships to be more empathetic towards each other and share each other's responsibilities.
To explain this concept, Steinberg says, "A fun way to show empathy in a long-term relationship is to take on some of your partner’s responsibilities for some time, to really get a good feel for what it’s like to be them."
7. Talk about emotions
Steinberg states about emotional involvement in a relationship, "Happy couples often show their empathy by communicating verbally that they are taking the time to imagine what their partners are experiencing."
When you listen and understand why your partner is trying to say or express, it gives you a chance to know and understand them better, and it tends you towards empathetic emotion.
8. Give genuine attention
Goldstein says, “When you are listening with genuine attention, you are taking action to understand your partner.”
In a relationship, it is not only about hearing out your partner, but you have to listen to them and understand what they are saying.
You don't only have to listen to what they are saying, but you have to pay complete attention to your partner and show your genuine concern for them.
Conclusion
Empathy is beneficial emotion that helps you build, maintain and develop relationships that you were struggling with. It is not hard to be empathetic, nor impossible. Empathy is the only emotion that helps you nurture your relationship. But, before that, it teaches you to be nice to yourself and show empathy for yourself. When you can love someone, then only you can live with others. With this article, I hope you have got an idea about empathy. And it will help you make life better.
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Once there was a farmer who used to sell 10 kg of butter to a shopkeeper. He has become the regular seller of the shopkeeper. One day the shopkeeper thought of measuring the butter, whether the farmer gives him the correct quantity or not. So, after buying the butter, the shopkeeper measures the butter and found that it was less than 10 kg.
The shopkeeper takes the farmer to court. The judge asks the farmer," why did you cheat the shopkeeper. Instead of giving him the correct measurement, which alias used to provide him with less quantity."
The farmer replied that he doesn't have anything to measure the quantity. He only has one measurement using that; he gives the butter to the shopkeeper.
Judge asked the farmer, "what is it?"
The farmer replied, "I purchase 10 kg of bread from the shopkeeper. And, in the same container, I put butter in it and sell it to the shopkeeper."
He continues, "if he has found the butter, less than 10 kg, he might have sold be the bread less than the right quantity."
The Morel: You might have heard that you give will come back to you for sure. I don't know in what form, but you will get it anyway. If you give respect, you wi be respected. You give grief; you will receive sadness. This story is the best example that proves; Every action has equal and opposite reactions.
The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of will. Vince Lombardi
One day, in a seminar, the host ask 150 people to play a game. First, he asks them to pick up a balloon and write their name on it. When the people do it, the host asks them to go into a room and drop their balloon in the empty space.
The people return to him, dropping their balloon. Then the host asks the same group to go to the room and take their balloon and come back here. Everyone goes to the room and looks for their balloon. While looking for the balloon, there push other people aside, go over them, and through others balloon aside from them.
They were asked to come back in two minutes. And after the time is done, everyone returns with an empty hand. The host again asks the same group to go to the room, pick up a random balloon, and return it to the balloon's owner. After two minutes, everyone returns with their balloons in their hand.
The host says, "this is what we do in real life also. We keep aside other's happiness to look for ourselves. But we forgot that if you can't make others happy, you can be satisfied too. "
The Morel: The secret of happiness is, be helping to others. Find your joy in other's happiness. When you give a smile to other's faces, you will ultimately get a reason to smile. You don't have to run for joy when you help others. And, success can be achieved in the same way. By helping others and taking others together, you can get win only.
I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed. Michael Jordan
There was a company, who's boss was so strict, and employees didn't like him at all. One day, when all the employees come to the office, they see a notice on the door, "the one who was holding you back died yesterday. Please gather in the seminar hall for condolences."
Reading this notice, every one of them thinks that the boss dies. They feel so sad. And everyone started moving to the auditorium. When they enter the hall, they see the boss sitting on the chair fit and refined and a coffin placed in front of him. Each one of them was shocked, who is died then.
One by one, everyone comes to the coffin and sees inside it. But, when they looked inside the coffin, everyone was shocked. As, inside the coffin, there was a mirror only where they saw their own images.
Besides the mirror, there was a letter, "The person who was holding you back is you. There is no other person in the world who can hold you back rather than you. You are the biggest speed breaker for your success. Unless and until you understand this fact, you can't get success."
The Morel: The one who is the doer is you for yourself. You can make you successful and unsuccessful at times. No one can hold you at any sort of time.
Only you can keep you and release you to do something extraordinary. Don't put limits on yourself. Be limitless. You have the best relationship with you. If people are blaming you, making fun of you based on your efforts, it means you are logging at some point. So, don't blame others for their perception of you. As somewhere you have given them a reason to think like this.
Once, there was a man who was so intelligent. People know him and their work. And they used to appreciate him due to his works. He used to calculate and study every single thing that he was doing. Then, one day, he notices that his shoes are going to tire soon. He realized that he had worked so hard, and as a result, his shoes will be split into two parts.
He decided to buy a pair of shoes. So he thinks of going online and looking for the shoes that are best suited for him. Meanwhile, he also believes that what if he bought the wrong pair. So, he wanted to be sure before purchasing the shoes. So, he takes off all the books that he was appreciated the most. And after too much research, he finally reaches the solution that how he needs to buy shoes.
He makes all the measurements using the scales. On the next day, he went to the shop and selected a pair of shoes. But then he realized that he had forgotten the scale at home. So he goes back home, but he realized that his boots are torn. And he has to walk to the house barefoot.
In a school, one camp was organized for the students. The counselor comes to the auditorium and asks students to share their experiences that have hurt them badly.
One of the students stood up and said that one of his friends says something to him that had hurt them so badly. And, they can not forget what their friend has told them.
Then the counselor puts up the chalk and breaks it into two parts. Then they ask the students whether anyone can join it back and make it like before. Everyone says no.
Then the counselor says, "like, you can not join this chalk back, and make it like before, you can not take your words back. Your words are the most powerful. So, use it wisely. It may give you an injury severe than any of the weapons."
The Morel: We can not live without talking with each other. Being in a conversation, words are the most important things that help have a good relationship and bond. Conversely, if you use the wrong words, your most robust relationship can be faded away.
Right words heal, where bad words injure you the severe. You can't take the terms back. Once you said something that could hurt the feelings of somebody, your 100 times "I'm sorry" can't make it right. Take some time to think before you utter a word. You should know what to speak and when to speak. As if you learn to speak wisely, you are successful.
Success is achieved and maintained by those who try and keep trying. W. Clement Stone
Once, there was a Carpenter who was nearby his retirement. He goes to his boss and informs him about his retirement. The boss got sad, as the carpenter was one of the best employees he had ever.
The boss asked the carpenter to build the last house for him before his retirement. Though the man didn't want to do it, he agreed to do so. And he started working in it. He was such an experienced and knowledgeable person. But, as it was his last house, who doesn't take too much effort, uses average interiors, and so on.
When it gets ready, he gives the key of the house to the boss, and the boss provides access to the carpenter's return, saying, " it is the gift for you from my side."
The carpenter thinks that if the world has known that it is for him, he would have taken the double efforts and gave a quality product.
The Morel: We often save our energy for the next day, which we don't know, what and how it will be. This story teaches us to give 100% at the moment. You waste your time giving excuses and then complaining about the outcome. If you don't give your best, how can you get the best?
Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best you are capable of becoming. John Wooden
In a classroom, a professor asks a student to come forward. When he comes out, the professor asks him to put his hands on a level outside his body alignment. When he does it, he puts two books in his hands. And ask the student if it is heavy or not. The student says it's very light.
After 5 minutes, the professor again asked the student if it is heavy or not. The student again replied the same. Then, the professor gets busy interacting with the class. After 15 minutes, the professor repeats the same question. This time, the student replied, he is feeling muscle pain. Then the professor asked him to go back to his seat.
The professor explains that if the boy had held the book for 1 hour, he might feel keeping the heaviest thing. But, if he holds the book for a day or the week, his hand may feel paralyzed and numb.
Similarly, the book refers to the stress and worries in your life. If you hold them for few minutes, that's ok. Buy, if you have them for much time, it will give you pain, mentally and physically. It will help if you let go of them as soon as possible. Otherwise, they will paralyze your brain.
The Morel: If you can't hold your happiness for longer, why do you carry your stress everywhere you go. It will give you nothing but sadness and more anxiety. Let go of your tension. Don't carry them everywhere. Free up your mind so that they can have a space for new ideas.
Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it. Bruce Lee
There was an older man who had five sons. The man was rich, but he was old now. His sons always used to fight with each other. And, the man was so stressed due to this behavior of his son. Now, their fight was raised before ever, and the people around them used to make fun of them for fighting all the time.
One day, he gets sick. He wanted his son to be united before he died. So, he calls his sons and says, "dear, if you do what I will ask you to do, in less time, you will get the rewards for it." Everyone gets agreed.
Now the man gives each one of them a bundle of 10 sticks to break and asks them to divide it into two half. Whoever will do it in less time will be the winner. So, the sons started breaking the sticks and finish the task in very little time. But, now, they again began to fight, who did the first.
The man says, "the task is not finished yet." He again gives a bundle of 10 sticks to each one of them and asks them to beak it in one go rather than to break them individually. After many tries, no one can break it. And the admission that they are failed.
Once, there was a king who was so helpful. He has a person in his kingdom who was so clever. And the king used to admire the person the most.
One day, the king and the person goes the riverside. They were talking and discussing some severe topic.
Meanwhile, the king draws a line on the coast of the river and asked the man to reduce the length of the line without touching it or wiping it. After thinking for some time, the man draws an extensive line aside from the last line and tells the king that his line is shorter.
The King gets pleased with the man again.
The Morel: Try to look for the options around you. If you keep yourself closed in a box, don't let yourself breathe in the air, you won't be able to survive. Put yourself in extreme conditions to know your capabilities. Make your mind living. Think out of the box.
Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life - think of it, dream of it, live on that idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body, be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea alone. This is the way to success. Swami Vivekananda
A man used to walk his dog every day in the morning. Every week he was noticing a woman nearby a lake. Week after week passed by. And then he finally goes to the woman asked, " would you mind if I ask, what do you do here every week?"
The woman had a cage beside her, three turtles on her lap, and the fourth one in her hand; she was wiping with a sponge.
She smiled and replied, "I'm cleaning the argue and scum that grows upon the turtle's shell as it would reduce their ability to soak heat and reduce their swimming capacity. It so can get corrode and got weaken with time. I do it every weekend."
The man smiles and says, "But do you think you are making a huge difference? As there are not so many people in the world who do this. And the other turtles may be living with the algae and scums."
The women replied, "if these turtles were talking, they would say, I'm making a huge difference."
The Morel: You may not change the world, but you can change someone's life. You may not matter for the world, but it might be the world for someone. Only because you can't change the world doesn't mean you shouldn't try to help people. You might never know; your small help can make a huge difference in someone's life.
Success is sweet and sweeter if long delayed and gotten through many struggles and defeats. Amos Bronson Alcott
Two kids, a boy, and a girl, were playing on the ground afternoon. First, the boy shows the girl his collection of the pabbles, which was too beautiful. Then the girl also shows him her collection of candies.
They both make a deal of exchanging this collection. The girl gives her all the candies to the boy. Boy gives all of his pabbles to the girl. But, he keeps one of the most beautiful and big stones to him, without her knowledge. And they both were so happy.
In the night, the girl was so happy that she has got a perfect collection. And she goes to sleep thinking about the pabbles. But, on the other hand, the boy could not sleep, as he thinks, if the girl has also put some candies on her, as he did.
The Morel: What you give, that you take. Whatever the relationship is, trust is essential. If one is cheating, he will always think that the other person is also cheating him. As you believe, you grow up. So, think positive. Be honest. It is the ultimate secret to your success.
Desire is the key to motivation, but it's determination and commitment to an unrelenting pursuit of your goal - a commitment to excellence - that will enable you to attain the success you seek. Mario Andretti
Once a boy asks an old man, "what is the secret of success?" The man told the boy that to meet him on the riverside the following day.
The boy gets ready and goes to the riverside the following day to meet the older man. The man and the boy started walking through the river till the boy's nose ducked in the water.
Now, the older man punches the boy's head inside the water and doesn't let him come up. The boy struggles a lot to come out, but the man pushes him in the opposite direction. The boy feels that a fish is swimming underneath his leg, and he tried to come up hard.
Now, the man pulls the boy and makes his breathing. And, asked him, "when you were inside the water, what did you want?" The boy replied, "The Air." Yeah, this is the secret of success.
Until and unless you want success, like wanting air, you can not achieve it.
The Morel: The desires give birth to Success. If you want to be in the pot, just because you can, you won't be able to get success. On the other hand, if you desire success as essential as the air, you will definitely go to get it.
The size of your success is measured by the strength of your desire; the size of your dream; and how you handle disappointment along the way. Robert Kiyosaki
Once, a leader in a seminar hall shows the audience of 200 people a $50 pouch. Then he asked them, " who wants this pouch?" And everyone raises their hand in the air.
He said, "I will give this money to any one of you. But before that.....he asked one again, who wants the pouch?" And again, everyone agreed.
Then he tried to make as much money as possible as it hardly looks like wasted tissue paper. And, he again asked the audience whether they want it or not. And, everyone again agreed to have it.
The Morel: No matter how challenging your life is, how challenging the situation is, your life and the worth of your life don't decrease. Often you might face the case where you feel inadequate but remember your worth. And be proud of it. As if you value yourself, the world will love you.
You don't have to be a genius or a visionary or even a college graduate to be successful. You just need a framework and a dream. Michael Dell
Once, in a small village, there was a businessman who was having huge debts. And, he was not in the condition to return all his obligations to the bank. Moreover, the banker was an old and unappealing man who firmly wanted to marry that businessman's daughter.
One day, the business owner went to the banker and wanted to have a deal so that he doesn't have to pay the debts. Banker puts a condition of marrying his daughter. But, the business's owner didn't want to do that. But, he didn't have any choice to be debt-free as the debts were too huge to return.
He will put two stones in a bag, black and white. If the girl chooses the white stone blindly, the businessman's debts will be cleared, and the daughter will not have to marry him. And if she selects the black stone, she will have to marry him, and the debts will be cleared.
The banker picks up two black stones. The daughter was watching the banker from the window.
Once, A mommy camel and her newborn were turning in, soaking up the sun. The baby camel asked his mum, “Why are we with these large bumps on our back?”
The mammy thinks for some time and then said, “We are living in the desert where there is a shortage of water. Our humps reserve water to support us survive on long trips." The baby camel again questions, “Well, what is the use of these long legs with rounded feet?”
His mum answered back, “They are signified to enable us to walk through the sand.” The baby asked the third question, “Why are my eyelashes so long?”The mother answered, “Your long eyelashes you from sand when it hits in the wind.”
In the last, the baby asked, “if we all have the skills naturally to live our life, then what is the use of the Camels in Zoo?"
The Moral: It shows that your abilities won't have meaning until you use them. You might have heard about the persons, who have left their jobs to follow their dreams. Now, you have to decide, you either want to do your job only, or to live your dream. Maybe your plan gives you a struggle initially. But, it would help if you had the confidence that you will make a change. Think big, keep growing.
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure. Mark Twain
Once, there was a king. One day, he thought of experimenting on these people. So, he put a massive rock in the middle of the road, and hide nearby to see, what people do seeing the stone on the road.
After waiting for some time, he sees some wealthy merchants passing by. They walk by the rock, blaming the king that is not doing his duties. Then after some time, a peasant goes by the same way.
He had some heavy stuff over his head. Seeing the rock in the middle of the road, he stopped and tried to move the rock sideways.
It takes some time for him to clear the road, but he does it and goes back to his work. The next day, the same thing happens, but this time, there was a change.
He saw a sag filled with gold coins with a letter saying, "It is the reward for your work you did yesterday." It was the king who placed the sag for his work.
The Morel: Don't complain about things. Take action to make a change. You have the strength to challenge situations that look tough. So, go ahead, and challenge the challenging situation. Also, karma comes back. So, if your karma is good, you will get a good reward and vice versa.
Success is not measured by what you accomplish, but by the opposition you have encountered, and the courage with which you have maintained the struggle against overwhelming odds. Orison Swett Marden
A long time ago, a man was living at $99 social insurance bills, at the age of 65, in a small house. Even at the age of 65s, he wanted to do something to change his life. He was thinking about what he should do so that he can change his life. And, he had an idea. He thought of the selling fried chicken recipe that his family and friends loved.
With the thought, he leaves his home and visits various restaurants to sell his recipe. But he fails. He gets around 1009 Nos. He was also ready to give it for free, but no one agreed. In the last when he visited 1010 restaurants, he spawns a Yes.
His name is Colonel Hartland Sanders. And, the rest of the history, you know.
The Moral: This story gives you too many lessons. First is, it's never too late for a start. In the society of younger strength, Colonel Sanders has set an example; age is just a number. The second is belief in yourself. Have confidence in yourself. The third is consistency: one story, many lessons.
Success isn't measured by money or power or social rank. Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. Mike Ditka
Once, there was a seminar in an auditorium. The host asked people, "how many of you are moved on with your past?" Very few hands were raised. Then to change the environment, he cracks the joke, and everyone started laughing.
Then, the guy cracks the same joke for the second time. This time, very few people laugh. Then, he again cracks the joke. This time, no one laughed.
Then, he explains that if you can laugh at the same trick, why do you complain and stuck with your past?
Going back in the past and again and thinking about the past can't be the solution for any of the problems; it will not assist you with anything, anyway.
The Morel: People in this world are so happy and comfortable with their past. They keep complaining about the same and don't want to see the present and the future. Instead, they should learn to deal with the situation and start looking at every moment in a new way.
There are people who make things happen, there are people who watch things happen, and there are people who wonder what happened. To be successful, you need to be a person who makes things happen. Jim Lovell
Once, a man was coming to an elephant camp. He notices that all the elements were tied with a single rope, and it was tied in a leg only. Every elephant had the same situation. He got confused, so he goes to one of the trainers there.
He asks the trainer, "why the elephants are not breaking the rope and trying to get free. When they easily can do it. They have enough of the strength to do this."
The trainer replies to the man, "when the elephants were small, the rope was enough to hold them. The elephants are tied with the same rope from their childhood to adulthood. But, today also, the elephants think that they can't break the tope, and thus they don't try to do this."
The Morel: In the story, the elephants have made their opinions that they can't get through the situation when they easily can do it. They are stuck ad their past condition and don't even try to deal with the states with the new attitude.
The same thing applies to the human. If they have made any past mistakes, they think they should not repeat the situation without pain and failure.
Don't aim for success if you want it; just do what you love and believe in, and it will come naturally. David Frost
Once, a man came to know about a mine, where he was supposed to find the diamonds. He worked so hard for so long, quitting all his works.
After some time, it was so tiresome for him to continue his mining. And, he left the work. After some days, another man came to know about the incident. And he decides to keep the mining continue from where the first man leaves the work. As soon as he started, in two-three days, he gets the diamond.
The Morel: We learn here that never give up on anything. You might never know; the success could be just in front of you after some steps more.
Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. Booker T. Washington
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